Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
