she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
