you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize