i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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