I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
