You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was like eating out sand paper
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
