I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm at about main and main street
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
