He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
