This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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