I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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