I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
