just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
