I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
