I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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