dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
