I am puke
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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