It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i think i just lost a toe
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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