Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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