So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize