We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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