Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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