Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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