I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she peed on how many people?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
