I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mom said you looked used
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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