So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
