Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
not ubering you a puppy
is that a dick in a sweater?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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