I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize