Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
