you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
