as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will pee on everything he values.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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