dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
