i already hear my dad disowning me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
