so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
