I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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