Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
