Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
COCAINE IS GR8
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
