She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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