I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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