i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
