oh god the rape fog is back!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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