lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
