too bad you live with your parents still
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize