Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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