We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
