I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
