I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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