That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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