i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
