im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
