I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
