I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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