she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize