I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
