Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
