Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
