Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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