Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
