she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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