Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
