I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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