Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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