and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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