the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize