I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
