Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
