i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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