he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
