My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
