what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
