obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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