what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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