yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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