I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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