I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
