I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
