Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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