hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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