Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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