I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
