Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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