I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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