Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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