You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
