So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
